A little introspection
My Testimony of God’s Saving Grace
July 28th, 2018 was the day that changed my life forever. It was just 30 days before I was to finally go home after a yearlong stay in a women’s rehab in Philadelphia; my third rehab since 2012 without success of continued sobriety. That day I read something that I didn’t fully understand at the time, but over the past three years I have come to a deeper understanding of addiction and what my true recovery has entailed. The title of the reading is, “God’s Purpose or Mine.” The author, Oswald Chambers, gives great depth to the meaning of Mark 6:45, “He made the disciples get into the boat and go before Him to the other side.” He points out that most people think that just because we are obedient, God will lead us to great success. He also says, it is the process, not the outcome that is glorifying to God.
At that time I thought that once I admitted that I was an alcoholic, it wouldn’t be long before I would no longer suffer from my addiction. That was my goal. I now understand that it is not the rehabilitation, proper sleep, supportive family or therapy that changes me. It is my growing relationship with Christ, daily walk with Him and His mind-renewing Word that changes me and has ultimately healed me of my addiction.
I was raised by a loving Christian family, saved at seven years old and loved God. How did I become a thirty year old with anxiety, depression and alcohol addiction? I figured that my parents’ divorce, deep sensitivity, hurtful friends, not fitting in, broken relationships and loss of loved ones were to blame for my deep pain and ultimate addiction. I drank to numb this pain and I thought I was the only one. The truth is that every human being has hurt and pain in their past, my life was not any different. It is what I chose to do with my brokenness that made all of the difference. Would I come to God as I am? Would I bring Him my sick body, failures, shame and guilt? I had no other choice, knowing that my last blood alcohol level was a whopping .56 which put me in the ICU for a week with death knocking at my door. I didn’t want to die but didn’t know how to live.
I surrendered to God’s purpose that day in 2018 and realized that each day that I went through the process of difficulties resulting from my life and addiction I would be in the purpose of recovery. My story of alcohol recovery and more importantly, my heart’s recovery, is my testimony of God’s healing power and grace. God uses my past to work with others whose lives are in bondage by addiction.
My decision to enter Life Catalyst was the best decision I have ever made. The incredible team has walked with me through every challenge, difficulty and victory in my recovery as well as provided godly wisdom and encouragement as I continue to grow in my relationship with God. It was here, at Life Catalyst, that I learned about my purpose, shared my deepest hurts and fears without judgement and ultimately learned how to live.
July 30th, 2021